Growing up in fear, regret, isolation, and ignorance. What else could a soul trying to survive ask for:
Having lived in fear, seen the worst that life could offer, i was not going to ask for more. I thought that with all life had surfaced and to its benefit i would overcome this monster in the form of fear.
I had grown up with the feeling of the unwanted in the place i thought or supposed was my home. Life was not a bed of roses and as they say, if you want to achieve anything in life you have to start by making the 1st step.
Domestic violence has one way or another contributed to my having epilepsy condition, but who would have thought that, that fear will end up saving a life. Still in the dark, this is what i mean:
In 2003 when i was in form 1 i had my first seizure due to stress which accumulated inside and kept burning me inside. I was so afraid of others that even sharing my problems was impossible. simply;
I grew up without friends, not once did i think that my isolation would lead to great grief in the end. I had this fear in me about the way my life was completely pathetic. I tried my level best to fit in this world but it was so impossible,1st considering i was sick and 2nd having no one to share with added more salt to the injury.
NB: My fellow friends, if you know you are going through a tough time in life try as much as possible not to ignore the fact there are people who can be of great help.
Later in life my seizures became worse to a point where i now had to be hospitalized. Thats where all hell broke loose for me, being diagnosed with epilepsy and having nurses who thought that it was pretense to a point where they would not take care of you even when you are hospitalized made it worse.
I even remember my doctor giving me 5 types of tablets which added to 16 tablets in a day and for her trying to adjust them so that they would work with my body. Feeling drowsy all the time, trying to talk to a counselor was like hell for me but with time i learnt to associate with others and even view my ideas and thus my keen interest with people living with epilepsy condition.
After 12 yrs of living with the condition, all i want to do is create awareness on epilepsy and Domestic Violence in connection to Mental health. My life might have been miserable but that does not mean that another soul has to go through the same ordeal. If that was to happen then i do not think i would ever forgive myself.
I know what domestic violence can do to a person, and having that knowledge am not just going to lie low and let another be affected, but rather will do my level best to make another persons life bearable.
Later in life i learn t that my fear can become my strength, my voice can save a life, and by caring i can be giving another person a reason to live again and with that am ready to even die just so another person can enjoy the fruits of their labor.
NB; I have met a friend in life who has helped me see reason to smile again, made me have courage to fulfill my childhood dream, strength to overcome the hardships, and energy to always have a smiling face. Thanks to you i have a reason to smile again. Lani you are one in a million.
ANN.N.MWANGI aka(shanstyvs) was born an epileptic free lady, only developed the condition because she did not have anyone to show her that there is light even after darkness, happiness after sorrow, and that life continued even with hardships. She came to learn of all this the hard way, but she wont let another go through the same. Life is too precious to live with regrets and even a second of your time spent unhappy can never be recovered. I will make sure that the lives of many people out there becomes bearable, that so many will always look forward to tomorrow and that their tomorrow will always brighten their days.
I might not have had the chance to be happy always, but that does not mean that i wont make another persons life bearable.
Sitawa who happens to be my mentor, friend, and big sister has made me see that the strength of a woman can take one far, and with determination one can actually get to greater heights. Thanks so much Sitawa.
Last but not least lets all unite and fight the epilepsy stigma, domestic violence, and mental health degradation. If we want to achieve a thing in life lets learn to be our brothers/sisters keeper.
Epilepsy will not drag me down but instead, will continue to strengthen me into trying to make others happy and by creating awareness i will make sure that no one is left out. My long life dream is to open a children's home and by Gods grace, i know i will.
